Reflections on 'o8

New years eve is approaching fast... it really seems as though this past year went by much too quickly. Last year's new years eve party doesn't seem too far away... before I knew it, it was spring. Finishing up school, working the busy season at the greenhouse... Spring then whizzed on to summer. Summer was great. At the beginning early June we went to the cottage with Lemstra's. Thats always great fun! (except when Derek scared me so bad I honestly thought I was going to die -even if it was only for a split second- I thought he was a bear (it was dark... dont blame me :-P) I worked two days a week at the greenhouse, and two days at the Library a week. There were some really good times at the greenhouse... working with Marissa and Kelsey was actually pretty fun. Unless of course there were those days that never seemed to end. The songs that played on the radio were usually ones that we were sick of.. then there was that time when that song played when we were all tired and the clock wasn't moving (honestly... time was standing still!) The lyrics were "Time goes by... so slowly" and then it repeated itself over and over again. On one of the hottest days too, they had to torture us with playing a Christmas song. Then the bell rang for break and we all ran to the lake and had enough time for a dip before break was over. (The lake was awesome! We always jumped in on the hot days...)
The end of summer came way too fast. But, I was happy when it was nearing its end because thats when Tamarack was! I had so much fun there this past year! The speakers were awesome, I loved the discussions (in the cabins, after the seminars) It was great meeting all new people! I took home so many new friends. I loved volleyball! What can I say? Its an awesome sport! Oh, and soccer... and I liked hockey too. Basketball though?? I'm not saying its because we lost... but its not the greatest sport :-P. Ok, maybe I am saying that because we lost.. but still, it taught us "humbleness" lol.
The Sunday right after tamarack was the 31'st of August... does that day mean anything to you? Well, that was the day I turned 16! (and no, I still haven't gone for my beginner's yet... ) Fall came, and with it school, evening library shifts, jujitsu, skating, guitar lessons, kingdom seekers (of which I'm a jr councilor), and also hymnsings... (of which I miss alot!!)
Fall turned into Winter... not really so fast seeing as we didn't get snow. We didn't get anything that stayed before last week's storm really. Soon enough though, without the snow, the Christmas music began, the shopping started, and the fancy dinners came. I was now allowed to sing my favorite Christmas songs without being out of season (YAY!) And since my guitar teacher taught me a whole bunch of Christmas songs I was able to play along with them! :-)

This past year I've changed alot. I find that I've grown spiritually alot more, I've made new friends, found out who really matters, done things I've never tried before, and heard many things that have changed me (in ways of seminar's and great things from speakers.) I've started guitar, which is one of the things I'd never tried before. I find that I really like it! Another thing that I tried and found out I liked was writing free verse and poetry which I hope you all like as much as I like writing it! :-)

I'm really looking forward to 2009 and all the new things that will be happening for me then! Lord willing in 2009 I'll be taking my profession of faith before the congregation of Trinity ORC, I'll be starting grade 12 (my last year of school!) I'll turn 17. Hopefully I'll become better at guitar and my writing. I'm looking forward to everything that God has in His plans for me.

So what is your highlights of 2008? How has God been good to you this past year? And what are you looking forward to in the coming year? :-)

The Unknown Future....

Staring at my reflection
I wonder
who am I?
What am I meant to do?
Where am I going?
Those eyes stare back at me
through the mirror.
That face which is my own
is searching for something.
Was I meant for more?
How can I live an average life
when I feel like I was meant
meant for something more
for something bigger.
Who am I?
I want to live and die
for bigger things.
I want to live for more than just me.
Where am I going?
Which path is the one for me?
How am I to travel on it?
Who will be there for me,
and who won't?
Am I to go alone,
is my path a lonely one?
There's so many ways.
I need help knowing
which way was chosen for me.
Those blue eyes looking back at me.
That young face which is my own.
The life I am to lead
is not for me,
but for God alone.


I hope you like my short free verse that was from the top of my head... Its always a mystery to us what God's plan for us is. Sometimes it can be really confusing as to what we will do, who we will be, and what life we'll lead in the future. At least I have the comfort of knowing that everything is in God's hands, and that he has a plan for me. :-)

For those that have tried to post comments before, but couldn't, I figured out that I had to change a setting so that anonymous people can comment. So now if you haven't fed my blog some comment love before, feel free to do so now. :-)
I wish I was able to post more... but sometimes its hard to have passable things from the top of my head daily.

Merry Christmas!

Angel/Guitar

So, I decided that I'm not going to post daily. Partly because its hard to keep up... but mostly because its hard to write something good that often. And as you can see, some of my earlier posts were definitely only posted because of lack of time and better work. Its somewhat hard to be inspired with anything other than the snow, the coldness, and Christmas at this time of year. And I don't want to have like a bajillion posts on those three things.

I thought I'd try to take a few photo's with my brother's camera... since I don't have many pictures on my blog I'll post one or two of them...

So thats my attempt at photography... I'm sure I got most of it wrong, but... I kinda like them. I don't think I'd ever go anywhere with photography, so it doesn't really matter ;-)

Snowed In

So the snow has been piling up... and blowing around... and its days like today and yesterday that you don't want to be out and about driving anywhere! Which also meant that no one could make it to this area, and the christmas program I had been looking forward to had been canceled. Christmas time there are so many plans, and so many times that they're canceled. It just goes to show us that it doesn't matter how much we plan and get ready for something, God is in control.
I did still have a good day though, being hunkered down in the house baking, reading, watching Christmas movies and doing a 1000 piece puzzle with my dad.

Swirling snow
whistling winds
all around the house.
Roads impossible
to drive in.
Driveways deepen
making work for those bundled inside
The winds beat on
the snow still falls
and inside, I'm warm and cozy.

Butter, sugar
flour, eggs.
Chocolate chips...
yum, maybe just one
or two.
Stirring
mixing into cookie batter.
Oven heating
cookies baking.
Sweet smells of cookies
when they're done.
And yet... I'm too full
from the batter
to eat any.
Until later.

Curling up
under blankets.
Cozy warmth
as I'm reading.
Flipping through the pages
silently.
Stillness around me
quiet serenity.
The wind can be heard
only dully
in the background.

I felt bad because I haven't posted since Wednesday... so I wrote three... although they're all in the same context of being snowed in. Hope you like them... they're all off the top of my head which I think is the only way to write them. lol. Anyways, I'm off to get ready for the Bakker Christmas dinner with all my cousins and relatives. :-)

The fool says in his heart "There is no God."

All I can say is that a man who in his heart denies God, and yet can see before him God's creation.. that man is truly a fool like the bible says.

Spring

Ok, so I realized I didn't even mention the t-shirt run in my boarding post! Well... it was cold. And if you're a beginner boarder like me, it also involves falling into the cold wet snow, and being painfully slow going down the slopes. So, if you want to know how cold it was, scroll down to friday's post that's titled "Cold". lol, and maybe change it from night, to day, from bare hands poking out of a warm coat to bare arms in only a t-shirt.
To change it up a bit, I want to write something a little bit warmer... lets fast forward to spring for a little while...

Slightly chilly breezes,
warm rays from the sun
on my skin
making me feel alive.
The freshness of the earth
is invigorating.
Small green shoots
poking out of the soggy soil
making their attempts to reach the sun
the warmth
the energy.
The heavens are blue,
the birds are singing
my heart feels joy
to be alive.
I see God's hand
in everything alive
in everything beautiful.
I see the mighty works
of His goodness
and I sing for the joy
that He gives me
in my heart.

Music - By Chandler Violette

This is an awesome verse that one of my friends wrote. I love it alot! (Thanks Chan for letting me post this!)

Drifting out of apartment windows,
Filling the air with its sweet melody.
Flowing from instruments,
Spilling from voices,
Stopping the thoughts that torment.
The mind -
Suddenly at ease,
Muscles relaxing,
Just listening to the beat of drums,
The chords the guitar strums,
Echoing the voices,
Singing the words you don’t dare speak,
Not out loud.
Not to anyone.
So much feeling resounds,
From each and every song,
Blaring from earphones,
Blasting through speakers,
Conveying emotion unspoken,
Love,
Anger,
Heartbreak,
Each it’s own,
Showing others they aren’t alone,
Connecting with the music,
Hitting the repeat button,
Over,
And over,
Just to here it once more,
This gift from God:
Music.

Downhill... Boarding

I'm gonna start off by saying that yesturday was AWESOME! I had alot of fun :-). At the beginning of the day I reeeally sucked... but then, something clicked, and then I had alot more fun because I got it. Ok, I fell alot, but not as much, and I had a bunch of straight runs without falling. Ok, I'm not sure where to start this... but I'll just start typing and see where it ends up.

I was at the top of the snow covered hill, below me where scattered skiers and boardings making their way down, some more slowly than others. I let myself start down the hill, slowly at first, but then I started to gain some speed... if you could call it that. The cold wind blew all around me as I fought for control of the board. A few wisps of my hair escaped the confines of my loose ponytail and blew into my face. Just when I thought I had control of the board, I unexpectedly fell. My head banged the ground hard, and my board spun around taking my body with it. Only feeling a bit sore, I got right back up on my board and tried to make my way to the bottom of the hill again.
I fell a few more times before I finally made it to the lift. I was really excited to see one of my best friends there.
I tried again, on a different hill and made it down most of the way, then I saw my brother on the ground a little ways ahead of me. For a little while I wasn't concentrating on what I was doing, and the edge of my board had caught on the snow. I flew forward, my arms extended, I slid on my stomach for a few seconds before I finally stopped. I looked over to my brother to see him laughing at me and heard him say something along the lines of "superman flip out". I rolled over onto my back and sat up. Snow found its way to the back of my neck and was slowly melting down my back. I cringed as it dripped leaving me chilled.
Soon enough I was back at the top of the hill. So far I loved boarding... but it hadn't quite clicked yet. There she was, my friend beside me showing me something on her board, I tried to do what she did, but ended up face planting instead. I got up, and went down the hill for a bit and tried it again... still, it didn't quite click. After a few more runs, and my friend teaching me and giving me help, I did it! Finally, but then, my joy was cut short as I fell forward. Once again, it didn't hurt enough for me to stop, so I got back on my board, and tried again.
After that, it was almost like something clicked. I went down various other hills with some friends and practiced, and I actually didn't fall about half of those runs!
It was getting close to the closing time, and only one hill was open, I tried to get on that hill as many times as possible before we were unable to anymore.
The crisp fresh air felt good in my lungs and the board felt almost comfortable. I had a small amount of speed (and yet probably the most I had that day) and the wind in my face felt good. I fell down once that run, but I was back up almost before I even fell.
I had loved that day, but, at the end of the day I was tired, sore, and ready for it to be over... almost.

A Big Brother's Love

A brothers love
is big bear hugs,
a protective arm
on my shoulder
a constant shelter
in tough times.
And older brother
is strong,
for you.
He is worthy of trust,
of love.
Big brother watching
like my conscience
but bigger.
I love to be around him,
I want to show him
that I trust him
and love him.
My big brother.


Ok, so I promised to post something every day... and since its past ten, and I had nothing, I went to my notebook and found this inside! So I'm glad I have something to post(even if its somewhat poorly written... as in I don't feel like I said everything that needed to be said about big brother's and I don't feel it was written well enough. Lets hope Jeff doesn't read it, lol.)
I'm SO excited about tomorrow!
And thats all I'm going to say for now... g'night, and you'll hear from me tomorrow! :-)

Unboxed

So I'm trying to publish one post a day... lets hope I can actually do that... I'll try to brainstorm enough.
I'm trying out different templates... I kinda thought the other one was somewhat boring. This one's kind of cool. Lets see how long this one stays until I decide I want a new one, lol.
I'm SO excited for Monday :-). Snowboarding is going to be awesome! (Or at least I hope... lol) I'm pretty sure I'll like it! I know I'll be falling almost the whole time... but maybe towards the end of the day I'll be able to stay up for a bit. Like I promised earlier when I wrote a small bit on skiing, I'm going to write something about boarding. Maybe I'll have the energy to write it on the way home monday and then post it that same day (or the next day).
Hm... so I'm not totally sure what to write about, so I'm going to write one on not being boxed in. Its my current title for my blog. (Who knows, I might change it sometime...) It might not be the greatest since like most of my other posts its off the top off my head. Anyways... so I'll try to do my best, hope you like it!

Thoughts
ideas
views
can't be hidden inside
if its something to fight for.
How can you feel passionate about something
then hide it?
How can you box it in
if its important?
If you have the Good News
how can you not tell others?
How can you not act
like you have it
in your heart?
Be open.
Don't box it in.
Unboxed.

Heaven

I was just trying to write a verse on heaven, and all God's angel's and hosts in them. For once not much came to mind... I honestly can hardly imagine it. I read through revelations and what is described in there is mind boggling. The most common view of heaven is that its going to be all pure angels singing in one big white choir with gold instruments and heavenly melodies. It might not all be white, but the bible tells us how we will be praising Christ for an eternity. Wow... imagine what it will be like? The Christmas story of when God's heavenly hosts come to the shepherds... imagine how great and terrible they seemed. God's hosts, saying in all loud voices "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace on men to whom His favor rests"
I love the song "By the Sea of Crystal". Whenever we sing it at church, I always think of heaven, and all the angels and saints in heaven.
Its going to take alot of thought and work to write a passable verse on heaven. Maybe one day I'll be able to write something. But I don't think I'd ever be able to describe God's majesty and His kingdom on paper...

Cold

Instant cold
tingling on my face
the bare skin on my hands
I can feel them start to numb
My breath comes out in small clouds
The night air seems so clear
I can sharpness of it
is almost tangible.
An icy grip
is grabbing at me
My bones start to become chilled
straight through me.
I look up to the heavens on this clear night
to see the moon bright and pale.
Even the moon looks cold.
This cold winter's night
is so beautiful.
But devastatingly so.

The true meaning of Christmas
isn't in fireside stories,
gifts received and given
of a jolly man from the north pole
giving gifts to those who are good
and none to those who aren't
Christmas isn't parties of fancy dinners
of turkey and chocolate desserts
seeing friends is sure a plus,
but is that the meaning?

Isn't Christmas about Christ?
Being born in the stable of an inn,
when no doors were open for Him.
Christmas is about the shepherds who came
and bowed down with awe
Its about the One the wise men gave the gifts to
gold, frankincense, myrrh.
Christmas is for the one who the angels glorified.
The heavenly host of God saying
"Glory to God in the highest
and on earth peace to men on whom His favor rests."

The true amazing love
of being in the humbled state of man.
Jesus is the meaning of Christmas.

I posted this for lack of anything else to post, and because I feel bad that I haven't posted anything in a while. Its just a little something I typed up on the computer just now. I hope I wrote it well enough. I kinda like it.

Colossians 3:12-17

Therefor, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thats to God the Father through Him.

What is Love?

What is love?
An old man
and a young boy.
A smile lights the old mans face
the boys face is tilted upwards
adoration
trust
love.
A girl is standing there.
All alone
she's scared,
its dark all around her.
Her brother steps towards her
he puts his arm around her.
A brother and sister.
Love.
A mother and child.
Her face is serene and glowing
a newborn child lays in her arms
asleep and quiet.
She smiles at the small perfect fingers
the wonderfully formed face
every detail
brings joy to this mothers eyes.
A small child,
kneeling by her bedside.
Her hands are folded
her eyes are closed
her face tilted upwards.
She gives her unfailing childlike faith to Christ
She doesn't ask why,
she follows his lead
with her trust.
A man and his bride.
Standing face to face
hand in hand
saying I do.
Forever and always
I want you by my side.
Her face could light up the church
And his smile the world.
Is that true love?

There is no greater love
than the love Christ gave to us.
He sent his Son to die
to call us His own.
We are unworthy,
But Christ is full of mercy and love.
Love that surpasses all else.

Elephant masks

So, this is for a friend. :-) I'm making it up as I go... because I don't have much time and I promised this poem for her...

Of elephant masks
and counselor tasks.
I girl you alot
though some people do not.
Of honeydew melon
and strawberry n cranberry smellin
Cabin overnights
with jellybean fights
of hide and seek
and not sleeping for a week

I've been writing alot more free verse and poems lately... Some of them I've been posting here on my blog. But I'm starting to like writing them alot more. I wonder where all my writing will take me in the future. I thought for sure I would be writing stories, since I love them and all, but now I'm leaning towards verse.

I was just talking to someone. I asked for idea's for a verse, he said about how scary it would be to fall away from Jesus. I just wrote something not too long ago about a world without Christ. Maybe I'll be able to write something new with a somewhat similar theme.

I have joy.
My heart feels peace.
I rest my worries,
into Christ's care.
I might not be rich,
with money.
Or I might not have good health,
physically,
but I am rich
with grace
I have health
in my spirit
and Christ is there
for me.

Now take it away.
pretend I've fallen
If I'm not wealthy,
If I'm not healthy
I have nothing.
No reason to live,
yes scared.
Scared of death,
of the unknown
without the all knowing Jesus
my Savior.

Dreams

Its dark,
I cannot see.
There is no light
I turn and everything has changed.
Am I me?
Or a bystander?
I try to run
My feet feel like lead
closer and closer...
slower and heavier
I can not move
I can't escape.

I bolt up.
Cold sweat on my brow
It was only a dream,
so I close my eyes again...